I always thought I was doing pretty good,
I guess I was naïve, I never understood.
I never knew I was doing things wrong,
I guess I was like this all along.
I never meant to make you cry,
it kills me on the inside.
And I never knew the things I’d feel and do,
Would ever hurt someone as special to me as you.

I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done,
‘Cause I’m always the stupid one.
I make these mistakes and I just can’t see,
All the pain I’m giving to people important to me.
I must deserve this quality trait, and I’ll figure why,
I beg don’t worry about me, and please don’t cry.

I’m trying to stay strong;
I’m trying to move along.
It’s easier to take in the hate,
But I’ll try to change, I hope it’s not too late.
I’ll do anything I can do for your good,
I’m just too stupid; I never before understood.

Please don’t give in to everything I do,
I never really want to hurt you.
I just want someone to be impressed,
It’s a good thing you did so to address.
It’s not working.
I’m failing.
I’m failing at everything I wanted to basically do,
I’m caught up in this shit, and now I’m hurting you.

This is the last thing I would ever ant to see,
It’s just so bad, I’m way past blaming me.
And so this is my apology,
For being so blind, because I never really can see.
I’m sorry for getting you so upset,
I’m prepared to fail, but you can bet,
That I’m not accepting crap from myself anymore,
I’m throwing myself out, and locking the door.
Swallowing the key, and hoping it won’t cut with I breathe,
I won’t be giving out hate for other’s to receive.
I’ll try my frickin’ hardest to get myself to understand,
I’ve got myself a plan.

I won’t accept anything bad from me, or I’ll beat myself alive.
I need to get this right, or else I will just die.
And when I do, so many years later,
I’ll say to myself, “That Corrine girl, she was a hater,”
I want to forget all my mistakes and start over new,
And hopefully I won’t screw up again and have it affect you.

My hands are going pale,
Beads of sweat fall down like hail.
My muscles fatigue,
But it must be just me.
I’m fine on the outside,
Destroyed on the inside.
It breaks my heart over and over to know, and I just wanna lie,
But the truth is I made my best friend-my mother, cry.

I watched as you choked on the words,
And I can concur,
I am such a life-ruiner.
If I ever disappoint you, do tell,
Because I don’t want you to live with hell.
Don’t be afraid to be hard and cold,
I got to get better, and do as I’m told.




I’m sorry for making you so upset. I was never so open though. I just can’t do everything. I just can’t. I mix everything up, and I’m just bad at expectations. It’s hard to keep up with my friends, and my school stuff, and my…everything else. But when it gets to the point where I’m making someone else upset, I’m done. I’m figuring this out once and for all. I watched as you choked on your words, trying to not cry. I prayed you wouldn’t, because if you did, I was gone. I would have run out that door. I would have run so far away, so I would never have to hurt you again. I can’t watch that kind of stuff. I’m strong, but not that much. I can’t even believe myself, how totally stupid I am. How completely stupid I am for being so thickly minded. I need to change this up. The friendships I have will never change, but I apparently need to fix up something. Thank you for opening my eyes. I think I finally get what’s wrong with me. Whether or not you actually read this is okay [maybe I just can’t write poetry]. I know that I finally understand what’s wrong with me. I’ve already tried to become a better person. I’m helping my friends improve their own grades by giving them my personal challenge. I’m helping my other friends with some of their own problems. I’m even trying to be nicer to Meghan. That’s my thing. I’m not going to change fast, but I will. I swear, cross my heart and hope to die. I never, ever, want to make you choke on your tears over me again.
Ever.

Nova






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Corrine.duh.Copyright.2007